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I feel too wordy sometimes, so have some simple this time.

* Diploma for BS in Computer Science arrived in the main.
* Do not care about Computer Science BS. (Which BS is that short for? Take your pick.)
* Applying to go LEARN MORE and get a graphic design certificate.
* Looking forward to building portfolio.
* To then get into MCAD and get an BA in Comic Art. (Yeah, that actually exists! Awesome, right?)
* Will be 903 years old by the time I'm done with school.
* Feeling okay about that for the first time since... Ever.
* Moving forward, whee!

The Tendency of Tendons

Just a bit of random musings here about how my tendons have changed since starting on hormones.

When you're transitioning, there's a lot of stuff to worry about. How you hold yourself, how you move, and how you talk can all give you away, even if you look perfect. (If only, lol) Some of these are trained: Boys talk like this, so you better talk like this. And some of it is sheer physical differences: Height, skull shape, et cetera. And with things like these, you're usually screwed: I'll always be too tall, and I'll always have shoulders that are too wide. Some things can be corrected through surgery: The frontal structure of the skull is fixable through surgery. And a few things just magically fix themselves over time while on hormones: Fat redistributes in feminine patterns, and more to the point, tendons shift around.

I remember watching how girls walked compared to guys. The big trouble point for me was that as a guy steps forward, he pushes away from the leg that stays on the ground, that side of the hips tilting down to increase lift and the length of the stride. As a girl steps, the leg left behind doesn't push up, but instead appears to relax, dropping the body lower and shortening the stride. I could do it if I really tried, but it felt unnatural and uncomfortable. Why oh why was this simple action so difficult?

I'd read before hand that one of the many effects of hormones was a change to the tendons. The main aspect sites tend to talk about is how it rotates the hips forward some (for easier birthing, lol), and while I knew it would also involve other tendons, I didn't realize the full extent of it. Well it turns out that it was the answer to the walking problem. It's difficult now for me to walk like I had before, extending the remaining leg, but letting it drop happens naturally, and I get it. It's almost like a dance, swinging the balance of the body out from one hip to the other to keep it out of the way of the forward leg, which wants to pull towards the center with each step. No more lumbering steps. No more wide, tank-like path of the feet. And it all happened without my realizing. And the same is true with a million other smaller details. Just about every joint has a different "natural position" from before, and different limits. And hey, that oh-so hot convex curvature above the base of the spine? That's from the hip rotation. Sweet deal.

~Chloe ♥

ps: LJ, why won't you be nice and let us change our usernames, grrrrrrrrrr.


After a legal name change, you're just getting started. You have to inform a million and one different organizations. Many are easy. Just tell them the new name and tada. Others require sometimes ridiculous methods of proof. I've gotten MOST of these out of the way, but there are a few stubborn stragglers who just do NOT want to listen.

In this case, it's about loans. Of course they want to make sure I pay, so it would make total sense if they wanted a more sure form of proof. But no. When I went to update all my info, they made it clear they'd be passing it by social security to verify everything. So along with everything else, I gave them my current name, hoping they would get the picture when SS approved it.

So a while later, they send me an email informing me, CHLOE (they love all caps), that SS has verified everything and I'm good to go. I log in, and find my old name still there. What do they want for names but no other changes? A copy of drivers license, count order, or whatever. A photocopy. A very easily faked photocopy, when they just verified it through social security? Really!?

tl;dr Congratulations, federal student loan, security division. You're officially retarded.

~Chloe ♣

PS: I usually sign with a ♥, but I think you deserve a beating.

Ohai! I can haz nooyer?

I was tempted to wait on this since next Wednesday is the six month anniversary of my last post, but I gotta give New Years its due. As I mentioned on Twitter, my resolutions are to read 52 books, write 1 book, exercise 156 times, and listen to 17885 songs. So I figure to help keep me on task, I'll report back here every Friday morning with my progress in the hopes that avoiding shame will be a powerful motivator. If I fall behind, or I neglect to report in, feel free to mock and point in especially degrading ways to get me off my ass. ^.^

So there you go. My resolutions and how I'll stick to them. I'll even try to post mini reviews of what I read, but we'll see how that goes. Reviewing is hard! My target on the writing part is ~250 words a day. I'm new and slow, gimme a break. ¦∙Þ

~Chloe ♥


Only two more days until I head out to visit my parents in Montana. We talk often, and they know whats up with me, but it'll still be the first time face to face since I started on hormones and everything. That should be interesting. I'll be out there for two weeks, so I hope the area isn't too intolerant. I've sorta gotten used to the "we're a college town, and people on skis headed up a hill in the summer is barely glanceworthy, so why would we care that you're a tranny" attitude around here.

For anyone who doesn't know yet through sites I keep up with more, the thing that finally prompted me to head out there was the near murder of my mom. Long story short, some jerks beat the crap out of her, threw her off a cliff, and left her for dead. And now, because of some stupid legal crap and a lack of money for a lawyer, it looks like the bad guys are just getting away with it with no consequences at all. Gee, I sure do love the "justice" system, don't you? >:(
Oh, yeah. And one of my teeth broke last night. A tooth that's been bugging me for a while. And now... I feel much better. See, it's had this crack in it, and I was afraid when it went, it would break down through the tooth and cause horrible problems. Instead, the break turned upwards and just ablated part of the tooth away. Sure, there's a hole in my tooth now, it doesn't hurt, and it seems to have relieved a lot of pressure from the surrounding teeth mashing on it. Remember, I have eight extra teeth, so pressure is in abundance. Anything to remove that is a good thing.

tl;dr I'm happy that one of my teeth broke.

One Down

The new quarter started, and the first week is out of the way. I was worried that the crappy professor I got would ruin compilers, but it looks like we're still getting to do cool stuff, even if he's a walking powerpoint during class. Volcanology is still kinda up in the air as far as interest goes, but it due to a way-confusing series of events, I have to take it if I want to graduate this quarter, even though it has nothing to do with my major. :P And then there's physics. Bane of my existence. Apparently, this professor doesn't allow ANY calculators on any quizzes/tests. Uh... I haven't had a reason to integrate by hand in at least a decade! I think I'll survive it, but this is a lot of extra crap to (re)learn. On the other hand, the professor herself kicks ass. She's not just excited about the subject (most of the physics profs. are), but she's an engaging lecturer. I'm caught off guard every time class ends, instead of the usual "Yeah, yeah. I've been staring at the clock since ~10 after," that physics gives me.

It'll be a stressful quarter. Compilers is really one of those "this is the ONLY class you're taking" sort of courses, so tossing physics and other stuff on there will be rough, but at least it'll get me DONE, so I can get out of Failham and do something REAL.
I'm constantly surprised by the varying ways in which people react to me. Yesterday, as my advisor was sending me off to do my exit interview with the department head, she told me "Your opinion is especially important. We don't have a lot of women in the department." This is one area where I'm still really unsure what people think. Which gender do I get to contribute opinions on behalf of? Or rather, which side will other people take my opinions to be a part of? In one of my classes, the professor commonly asks guys versus girls opinions on matters, and I'm never sure which side I'm "allowed" to speak for. I've mostly just stayed quiet, not answering for EITHER side. I don't know that I'll be taken seriously on the women's side, but I REALLY don't feel like a part of the men's side. Should I not be worrying about this? Am I just over analyzing a non point?


I just got back from the social security office, where everything went smoothly. Better than smooth, even. I went in with my new driver's license to update my name with them. The guy behind the counter was cool, although the umpteen-billionth person to think Chloe is pronounced "klo". Seriously, it's not that uncommon of a name, is it? Anyways, he put that stuff in, and then asked me if I wanted the gender changed on there, too. I was like "Uh... If that's doable, then hell yeah! ^_^" I kind of thought they would insist on it having an F on my driver's license first. So yeah. I was all happy, and didn't question it, but now that I'm home, I'm sort of wondering if that'll cause problems. A mismatch between SS and driver's license. Chelsea seems to think I could get the F right now with just a note from my therapist, so maybe I'll have to look into that. That would be sweet. *float away*

I'm Official!

I'm sitting at the_black_drop down the street from the courthouse after a very quick and painless appearance to get my name changed. The judge was comedic, which is awesome. I was expecting some stuffy guy to be all frowny faced at me, or something, but he was perfectly happy, and bam. I has official papers. I still have to stop by the social security office (and of course update my name everywhere else), but it's still a great feeling to finally have this done. I left school like half an hour early, and managed to miss the bus by like ten seconds, but I still got there on time (I definitely wouldn't have if I'd left class at the usual time). I ended up talking to this woman named Molly, who was just as confused as me about which room we were supposed to go to. Eventually, she noticed that it said REALLY BIG up above that we were room 2. I guess both of us were expecting it to be specific per person, so we were only looking around near our names. But actually, everyone in the room was there for a name change. I was a bit disappointed that no one else was making a very big change. The next biggest change was someone Americanizing a Spanish looking name. (But he didn't show up!) Mostly it was just girls changing their last names in a very marriage looking way, but you don't have to go in the court room for that, so I'm not sure what's up. Hey, wow. I'm rambling. Bye!